So, in seventeen days I will be turning twenty, and I am sort of dreading it. I think I have narrowed down why I dread turning this age so much, but I am not one hundred percent sure. It is quite a scary thing, changing the decade of your age - it means a certain amount of growing up and actually being something more than you have been for the previous ten years. I know that some people (especially my bosses at work) are like 'Aw, 20, that's so young' but from my perspective it means a total shift from one stage of my life to the stage I am going to be at for the rest of my life.
In seventeen days I am to no longer be a teenager, I will be one year closer to being a fully fledged adult with adult responsibilities and parents helping me out a lot less. Twenty signifies the end of the easy life. I was talking to someone today who is two years older than me and has already bought herself a house and a new car - that is where I want to be - this organised and sorted out in my life so I can do that at 22. But then I realise I am crap at saving money and just being responsible. I am crap at so much, so how on earth can I be a proper adult with proper adult duties?
Seventeen days time will also mean that the youngest granddaughter in the family will no longer be the little young one, she will actually be a fully fledged adult - which is something that a lot of people are struggling to grasp. I just find it to be such a strange concept that I really cannot get my head around. The thing is though are things actually going to change?
I am already pretty responsible. I am holding down two jobs as well as paying for insurance, tax on my car and I am very much self sufficient in a lot of ways (although circumstance has dictated that for a lot of it). I have a whole new bunch of friends, that I never expected to ever have and that is something I will forever be grateful for. I have a good family too, who always know how to cheer me up and that's most definitely what I need.
But I am still scared of turning twenty. After my 21st next year, my next big birthday will be my thirtieth and there will be some force into me being in a committed relationship, hopefully married with the idea of babies on the horizon, because these are the conditions you live with when you are from an Irish family. Even writing this seems like I have a huge mountain to climb in the next ten years.
I am sorry about this post being a bit down, its just the sorts of realisations I keep having at the moment.